Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
