Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
