But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
