had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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