It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
