her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
