would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
