dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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