If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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