So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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