guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
