I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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