im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
