i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
