Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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