sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
