can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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