is your mom at the bar?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
