PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
