the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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