She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
