xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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