youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
