If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
