Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
