Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
