3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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