I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
