it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
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i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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