i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
