Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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