so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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