If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
