He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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