I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
