i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize