do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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