ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
