okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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