hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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