i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
