you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
