I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
