some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
