Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
