woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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