ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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