Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
