Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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