so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
