I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize