Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Life is so much better after having sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
