hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
