Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My ass is underappreciated
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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