I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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