The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ttyl tear gas
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
