was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
