I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
