She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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