I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
