is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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