I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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