...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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