So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
